these are all really old:

(sometime in 2003)
hooked on drugs
powder puff girls
bravery and cowardice
struggle
the call of the white
winning me over
like an undertow.
pouting in unsatisfaction
like a baby with no milk.
as long as the promise
of suckling at the breast of life again
is there,
i will get by
but slowly.
__________________________

(evidentally, later that day)

"estoy abbivido y descansado!"
written on the blackboard next to me
probably written before the anniversary.
today, a year
of sleepless nights
and being enraptured
by the tv shows.
these spanish words
seem foreign to me.
_____________________________

(directions, sometime in early 2004)

go and turn the world upside down and the sky becomes your ocean and its on the other side that are the houses. the clouds are your waves. the birds are your fishes, airplanes are your sailboats. (the horizon goes forever?)

____________________________

(also early 2004)

out there
there is a land where
little scraps of green
are connected by a stretch of road
through the waters of ocean and gulf.
every minute is another
that i won't be there.
-
how could i try harder to get there?
-
am i really trying at all?
-
i'd eventually be back
with my tail tucked.
-
no matter my destination
-
so why expense myself when i've already learned the lesson?
-
should i root down?
-
my enthusiasm has waned.
this is how dreams die.
________________________________

(i estimate summer 2004)

my freshman year of college,
that course i took on communes
has ruined me.
i keep thinking that if this life ever gets to be too much,
i can always move to Walden.
the simple life.
some little utopia.
just waiting for the right cult to come around.

______________________________

(and finally, another summer 2004)

there is something romantic about thinking you have a soulmate, but i just don't think it really works that way.